This upcoming Christmas Day,
I’ll meet you on the ferry to Long Island
on the upper deck amid a pleasant December breeze
Thanks global warming!).
Taking sight of a grand holiday gift,
I’ll share an awkward and endearing moment with you,
stealing your heart the way you stole mine a lifetime ago.
The real fun will not have even started just yet.
Five days of laughter, passion, and discussion,
with little to no repercussion,
will lead to the greatest dare of our
We’ll find an open chapel in Vermont,
doing the deed on the edge of ’17,
consummating without contemplating
A winter’s honeymoon in New England
won’t be good enough for us newlyweds.
“Let’s have a vacation in Hawaii.”
“No… let’s have a RELOCATION to Hawaii!”
Clearly, there’ll be little thought to the truth in our dares.
Most of our possessions will be sold or donated,
and we’ll hit up Honolulu,
sun shining, waves crashing,
and realities colliding.
We’ll find menial jobs to see us through.
You’ll get stabbed by a robber.
I’ll get hit by a speeding car.
I’ll fight some deadly infection.
You’ll fight some deadly addiction.
We’ll argue in our homeless abode by the beach.
We’ll both be tempted by tropical fruit.
We’ll try to sever our ties.
We’ll then try to save our ties instead,
tightening our marital knots.
We’ll upgrade to (
somewhat) safer heights.
I’ll buy us a puppy.
You’ll buy us a house plant.
And just when our rock is ready to
crumble a little more,
we’ll look at the calendar,
see December 25,
and face the nation,
finally exposing the perfect storm
that was our first year together.